06.25.11
Posted in at 6:01 am by Administrator
OK, I’m a bit behind on news. I know, I know, the royal wedding was more than a month ago. But that doesn’t mean I can’t make fun of it. Pompous twats will always be a favorite target of the motherlover.
So, back in April, Prince William got married to Kate Middleton. Kate had to wait 8 years before William popped the question (he popped the cherry eons ago). The girl has amazing endurance. Most women don’t wait that long for a guy to propose marriage. Then again, most guys aren’t wealthy princes who are in line to inherit a throne. And not a shitty throne, like the one in Monaco. The throne of Great Britain, former imperial master of the high seas, on whose majestic lands the sun never sets and twas shed thee grace on thy Lord (or whatever the crap that means, I’m not Shakespearean). Even if the throne only has symbolic value nowadays, and doesn’t exert real political power, being a part of the royal family means that you are stinking rich. Kate doesn’t have to work a day in her life. She’ll get to travel around the whole World, for free. She’ll be able to visit the Seychelles and a few other islands no one cares about or remembers. She’ll get to stay in fancy hotels and will reside in a medieval palace (not the dungeon, of course). A cadre of employees will cater to her every need and whim. They’ll smell her farts and sooth her pee.
Now let’s look at the cons (the motherfucking cons): Ms. Kate Middleton can’t vote anymore. Not even if she hates the candidates; hell, she can’t even give her opinion in a public forum. Kate’s every move is followed by hundreds of photographers. She can’t drive fast, scratch her nether regions at an intersection, lust over other men, sing in the shower or even watch some porn. Being part of the royal family mean that you have zero privacy. Some dumbass can follow you all day snapping pictures and if you curse him out or try to beat him up, you’re the villain. Also, that cadre of employees will be spying on Kate 24/7. Don’t forget that royals must follow some strict and incredibly boring protocols in everyday life. No wonder they drove poor Diana crazy. Poor woman got used, exhibited like a trophy, cheated on, and then spit out. I’ve wanted a royal family member to lose it one day publicly and go postal. I wonder if Sarah Ferguson was karma for the Queen. Oh well, good luck Kate in dealing with being Britain’s next princess/royal hooker and luckily for you, you’re not married to Henry VIII.
OK Kate, we need you to have tons of mental breakdowns for our sick entertainment. You have officially replaced Courtney Love….
Where do you get those cool Napoleonic hats??
Permalink
06.17.11
Posted in at 6:38 am by Administrator
This is a serious post, but pretty soon I’ll start posting comedy rants again, so all my fans can pee their pants (hell yeah!).
I’m elated that Osama Bin Laden was finally killed by U.S. Navy Seals! A bit late (like 10 years), but better late than never. Now the government can hurry their asses up and get the troops out of Afghanistan. Let the Afghan army duke it out with the Taliban. I initially didn’t object to going into Afghanistan in order to capture Bin Laden and oust the Taliban, but it should’ve been a quick campaign that would’ve lasted a few months, not 10 years. After putting the Northern Alliance back into power, we should’ve gotten the hell out of there. Instead, Bushwacker decided to invade Iraq and turned the whole issue into a quagmire. After the September 11th attacks, the public global consensus was focused on aspects of radical Islam: “why can’t women drive in some majority Muslim countries?”, “What’s the deal with female genital mutilation?” “Why are we friends with Saudi Arabia?’ (actually why are we still friends with Saudi Arabia?). The focus should have been on achieving energy independence from oil, not forming alliances with Middle East dictators anymore, killing this motherfucker and then getting the hell out of there. But nooo, Bushwacker had to invade Iraq and in the process turned the U.S. into an international pariah (again).
While the past can’t be erased nor forgotten, Bin Laden’s death should be taken as a starting point for a complete change not just in U.S. foreign policy towards the Middle East, but in cultural relations between the West and the Muslim World. On both sides, we’ve already had more than enough deaths. We say they’re primitive animals who mistreat women and don’t understand the concept of democracy. They say we’re materialistic heathens who lack any sense of morals. While there might be hints of truth in both these statements, until we’ve walked in another person’s shoes, we really don’t know shit. We support Shah Pahlevi, the Iranians take hostages, Palestinians hijack planes, Sadat gets killed, Israel bombs Lebanon, Rabin gets killed, Al-Qaeda rears it ugly face, we invade Iraq; it seems like a never ending cycle. And I, like most Americans am tired of this shit. Moderates in both the West and the East, don’t want anymore wars. It’s the ass-wipe ultra-conservative elements in both societies that want to wage war and make everyone follow their ideology. I would dwell more on the different social, economic and geo-political aspects of this conundrum, but I need to save some of my intellectual neurones for grad school papers. Besides, I don’t want to bore my audience with politics. This is not the Huffington Post.
Permalink
