06.17.08

Lovely island full of giant lizards

Posted in at 7:26 pm by Administrator

In case you’ve been sleeping, un-aware of the news or watching too much American Idol, a show which I boycott, it turns out a group of divers were visiting a reef in Indonesia. The current carried them away from their boat. They either waded or swam to the nearest island which happened to be the lovely Rinca.  Rinca is mountainous and full of palm trees, coconuts, beaches and Komodo Dragons. These are not the evil fire-breathing beasts of European medieval culture. These reptiles are Monitor lizards that have undergone a process known as island gigantism. With no other powerful predator to compete with for food, the Komodo Dragons have all they can get. This includes Wild Boar (roast pork), deer (veil?…oh shit Bambi), Water Buffalo (baby back ribs) and even carrion(McDonalds?). Their size has evolved to be between 6 and 10 feet long while reaching weights of 300 lbs. The ones found in zoos, like most zoo animals, are a bit obese in comparison.

 

Dragon: “Shit I’ve been drinkin too much Heineken”

 

The European divers included 3 British nationals, a Swede and a Frenchman. Experts divers that they were, they somehow were pushed by the current miles away from their boat. I wonder if that is common for so called “experts”. I mean, didn’t they see the 2003 movie Open Water ? They were extremely lucky not be attacked by the various creatures which inhabit the warm and treacherous Indonesian waters. Truth is, the ocean between New Guinea and Northern Australia has Salt Water Crocs, Sharks, Sting Rays, poisonous Sea Snakes, deadly Jellyfish and the occasional swimming Tiger. I ain’t fucking getting near the water if I’m in the area, not even if you pay me a million dollars and offer me a mansion full of sex servants that resemble Jessica Biel or Salma Hayek.

After wading to Rinca, the divers encountered the cuddly Komodo Dragons, armed with razor sharp teeth, powerful claws and a tail that can knock down a full grown deer. While their bite might not kill a large mammal, the resulting infection most certainly will. Komodo Dragons have septic saliva, which is full of bacteria, to which the Dragon is immune. This means that yellow fever and malaria can’t hurt the Dragon. Hell, they can probably resist nuclear fallout. And yes, scientists are studying the creatures’ adaptations.

 

“You talking to me. You talkin to me. Who the fuck you think you’re talking to!”

 

The divers said they threw rocks and their diving belts at a Komodo Dragon which got too close for comfort on the beach. I’m not sure if that was a smart decision. The best option is to run, but not into the water because Komodo Dragons are also good swimmers (another dangerous marine animal). The Dragon tried to eat the diving belts. It might get massive indigestion. They usually regurgitate bones, hoofs and horns from it’s prey. Anacondas on other hands can digest anything, but that’s another story altogether. The divers avoided more contact with the Dragons and were rescued by the Indonesian Coast Guard (if such thing exists). On several online boards, some folks said that they should have fed the Frenchman to the Dragon. Others were surprised that the Frenchman didn’t surrender to the Dragon. As funny as the Dragon encounter sounded, we shouldn’t make fun of a story like this, lest we also end up shipwrecked on a Dragon-infested island.

 

 

“Oh sorry, did I disturb your concentration?”

 

Actually, funny was the Phil Bronstein Komodo Dragon attack. Bronstein, a San Francisco Chronicle editor, for a time was Sharon Stone’s husband (I’d be angry if everyone had seen my wife’s cooch on the big screen). He was at the zoo and the handlers invited him to tour the inside of the Komodo Dragon enclosure (is this common procedure?). The handler asked Bronstein to take off his white sneakers which might excite the Dragon. White shoes resemble white rats, another delicacy enjoyed by our reptile friend. Somehow Bronstein’s foot looked crunchy to the Dragon and the poor guy was bit. But they quickly took him to the hospital and saved his foot. Lesson of the story kids: never go into a Komodo Dragon’s enclosure. As a matter of fact never go into any wild animals habitat, because you will become lunch.

 

 

“Get these fat bitches off of me!”

 

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