04.26.08
Do these damn dating websites actually work?
So there I was, bored one day at work, surfing through the internet instead of completing the excruciatingly boring report I had been assigned. I found this article on msn about www.GoCougar.com. For the uninitiated, a cougar is a term used to describe a woman in her late 30s, 40 or even 50s, who likes to date and bang younger men….like me.
This site helps these ladies, also called MILFs in popular jargon, hook up with horny young men who are tired of girls in their 20s who don’t stop whining, think they deserve George Clooney and think you are so just not up to their standards. And which young man hasn’t at one moment wanted to fuck his hot 10th grade biology teacher. Diamond Dave couldn’t have said it better…Well I went to GoCougar, made a profile and after two weeks, zero, nada, finito. And I posted a decent picture and I didn’t mentioned I lived with my parents. Well I pay most of the rent, so they live with me.
Back in 2005, I found myself friendless. Most of my best buddies left town, and like a stranger in a new city, I had no one to hang out with. So what did I do, my brothers (a nod to Burgess)? I went on www.match.com , made an awesome profile and searched for viable females in the 18-25 age range. I sent messages to at least 50 different women. And NO, I didn’t go for the super hot ones with pictures of themselves partying in Crobar or Opium. I went for the ones that seemed like nice, girl next door types. The ones whose profiles said they liked reading, the arts, being productive and didn’t aspire to be a model (no wannabe actresses, this isn’t LA. Thank God). Well how many responses did I get? Only 2. One of them looked like a rocker chick with glasses which I’m cool with. She said she liked skinny-dipping, yay. I wrote back wanting to chat. She never responded. Bummer.
Th other chick was a cute Hispanic girl who went to FIU North campus and studied criminal justice (I thought only former juvenile delinquents studied that). A few messages back and forth, I finally got her digits. I was in heaven. One call, no answer. Two calls, no answer. Leave a message. Three calls, nothing. And I didn’t call 5 times in a night. I know that’s a no-no and will make the girl think you’re a psycho. I waited fucking 6 days between calls. Wasn’t that the rule? Oh well. Fucking bitch.
Don’t get me started on Craigslist. I’m tired of answering personals and then getting a message from a Heather, they always got names like that, telling me she thinks I’m cool and wants to chat, but doesn’t tell me her MySpace or FaceBook url. Instead she sends me some link and when you click it, it’s a porn site, a webcam girl or Singles.net, another piece of shit website. Word of advice: check several of those postings and you will notice they all have similar wording but different pictures of girls. Also, if the girl is a hottie, honestly, would she need to go on a website to meet guys?
In one particular case, the ad on Craigslist seemed real and she wrote back. I MySpaced her and she was authentic, a nice Ecuadorian girl with curly hair, no baggage. Short but curvy. After chatting and some phone calls, she just never answered back. I think these women have several guys they talk to on the side. I might be number 4 or 5, or worse 23. and if I’m the most decent one, that’s where I get a date. And then let’s hope she is not 63, or 6’3″, or Dracula’s twin sister or a tranny or worse. Well, I don’t think there is anything worse than your blind date turning out to be a tranny.
